It is rest time, and Ive finally worked out how to log in to folow others (Mac Greene I mean you!), and caught up on Mac’s Parkinson’s blog. It is helpful to learn how others are going and what Mac, and his wife, are doing to cope.
Ive been a carer, first for my partner who had lung cancer and died twenty years ago, and recently for my Mother and Father, who died a year apart aged 89 and 91. That makes me sound careless rather than caring but each time I gave it my heart and soul, to my cost. I would still do do it again.
As Quentin Crisp said about the cure for a broken heart: “You give love where it is needed…”
Caring is heartbreaking. It is cruel to watch a loved one drift out of reach and be powerless to throw a liferaft. All one can do is swim alongside, battling the current, grateful for any sandy beach that provides both a respite.
The hardest part as a carer is trying not to scar from the frustrated cruel word or angry, ungrateful outburst. The grieving begins the minute the loved ones’s symptoms starts, even before a diagnosis.
“For better or worse”. Well who thought worse was us? My husband, (my ex-husband before my late partner), could not understand illness, that made it harder. Eventually I walked away. Up till now I deal with PD with the support of some family, loving friends and great carers through my Care Plan. If my mind goes, and I am seeing the signs, I dont know where I will end up, but here is fine for now.
Right now I was glad to spend the weekend resting up, pleasing myself, while a massive flareup took all my strength. Today I feel fine, and look forward to tomorrow’s Parkinson’s Dance Class. I’ve achieved several small goals and there is still time for more.
Sooo, back to the subject: a round of applause for all carers. Give yours a hug and a kind word. Warm fuzzies. Healing endorphins all round.
Which brings me back to my original topic – healing. Prompted by somehow straying off Mac Green’s site and on to…………help! I cut and pasted but cant find my way back to her site, and I want to contact, acknowledge and follow) who was talking about healing mental illness and I liked and agree with this:
This is the thing: True healing doesn’t look cool. It’s not a fighting and a conquering, but a softer, more intuitive process. This is why society resists it so much.
True healing requires us to be counter-cultural. It requires us to be awkward, to stay in on Friday nights, to take strange trips or buy strange things that we can’t quite explain to other people...
That can be confusing for carers, unless they choose to accept it and also apply it to themselves: take time out. It is a right. It heals. Get backup. Speak out. Both of you. Too simple? I learned the hard way.
Now for my audio book. Sssh.